Thoughts at night

"There are certain things in life where you know its a mistake but you don't really know its a mistake because the only way to really know its a mistake is to make that mistake and look back and say "Yup,  that was a mistake." So really, the bigger mistake would be to not make that mistake because then you'll go your whole life without knowing if something is really a mistake or not." - Himym

True?

You were a mistake. I can't help but say it, you are. I don't know whats going on in your head right now but i'm pretty darn sure getting angry/affected when you know i'm happier now after finding someone that treats me so much better than you did shows it all. It goes without the saying, "You'll never cherish what you have until its gone." applies so much right now. Whats the point of telling me how much of a dick you were before and telling me you haven't moved on only now..? You're just like all the other guys out there that doesn't want to be tied down by one but you don't want anyone to have them in their possession as well. Its all gonna change, and it has changed ever since 9 months passed by slowly. You don't know what you did to me half a year into the route of our breakup. And you won't ever know. Know why? Because you're so full of yourself. You never saw us as equal. I regretted my decision 3 years back, if i didn't rushed into it, and really thought it through carefully, we might still be friends. But i guess its true, if i didn't make this mistake, i wouldn't know you were a mistake. Perhaps my hurt would just be done on me later. I will never ever go back to that past, because you don't know what it feels like to get lied upon, you don't know what it feels like to find out from the mouth of others at what you did with another girl, you don't know what it feels to be always up-tight and constantly worrying about where the fuck you are and always finding out that you're with another girl, you'll never know what it feels like to see a difference in treatment for someone else when you're supposed to be the one getting treated differently, and lastly, you'll never know what it feels like to make the decision to build up walls around your broken heart to not let it get more damaged beyond how much it already has been and watch how gradually you start losing the love you once had for someone just disappear, like that. So don't come running back to me and start up all your lies again because i'm no longer the cheryl you run back to vent all yr anger, and no longer the cheryl that always helps you clear your shit. I'm no longer the girl that loves you unconditionally. I don't. And no, i haven't changed. The only thing that changed is my impression on you. I can only wish right now, that i can still treat you like a normal friend, my friend. I can never look at you the same way ever again. I'm not blinded, anymore.

"Sometimes, things need to fall apart to make way for better things."

Which brings me here, how contented i feel with my life now. I know its super holy and what-not.... But i really thank god for letting me meet someone i never thought i would meet in my life. I never knew what it's like to be loved as much as i loved. And i finally know now.  Thank you for being so understanding about my ex. You don't have anything to worry about sillyhead, because you won't lose me to anyone else, maybe ( Chris evans ) HAHAHA just kidding but you know, i'm not going anywhere baby. I'm nothing but blessed and thankful to have you in my life. Happy 1st. I love you! Psssssst. I love the way you look when you're shy when i tease you. ^-^ I love everything about you ;) Always looking forward to the weekends cause thats when i get to see you dear.