So so much have changed ever since my poly journey ended. I have so many feelings i want to express and things i've learnt through all that has happened. Ever since i had my gold coast trip with my clique, i realised that i had finally braced myself enough to let go of smth that wasnt working out for half a year. My relationship with you was good while it lasted, until the last probably, 6 months w you. I saw everything coming. I guess thats where i started losing my feelings for you as well as a result of how i protected myself from hurt i built up a wall. I realised everything only during my trip as i found myself feeling so much more carefree and happy without you, not thinking abt you, and not having to feel insecure almost 24/7 wondering if you're with her. I didnt even miss you at all during my trip and thats when i realised, my love for you has alr faded. I only genuinely felt happy, when i was there. Before, all i was holding on for, was hoping for smth that wouldnt work out eventually cause i already saw you, falling for someone else. Which brings me to this point, where i decided we should end things and im glad we did. Being friends is not that bad of an option afterall.
Went to my first ever 'real' club experience then after, and thats where all my fun came ;) hahaha. I was having my holidays from graduation and waiting on uni so i had the best holiday in my life. It all started on the 16th of April, Rachel's birthday, where i started to like going clubbing. hahaha. Clubbed very very frequently during my holidays. :P. Dont scold me ah, i know you're gonna read this. HAHAHA. Thats where i met you, ;)
School started on the 13th August. Hate school. Didnt expect it to be this confusing, especially econs, megaaaaaaa hatred for this module. Hahaha. BUT i will not give up. Anyhow, that pretty much sums up all that has happened recently, expect one thing though. I met someone that completely changed my views on being in love. I met someone that never gave up on me when i pushed him away constantly to protect myself behind my wall, only to find you trying to break them down even more. I dont know how, but you did it. After 5 months. I honestly havent met someone like you before cus my past relationships are basically bad, and i have always been replaced and lied to. I have serious trust issues, do you think you can deal w all of them my dear? I have alot of flaws too ): Thank you for being so patient when you teach me stuff, thank you accepting my ugly face without make up and thank you for loving who i really am on the inside. Thank you for putting so much effort to ask me to be your girlfriend. Im really blessed to meet someone like you in my life.
Im still afraid of it all being too good. What ifs. I dont know if you'll be able to handle my flaws after you discover all of them but i still am thankful to know you. So afraid that all this are gonna change. Cause it always seems to. When you're too happy, its like god sends someone to fuck it all up. But either way, i'll try my best to let it all down and trust you alright. Cause i love you. And for who you are. Nothing can say how thankful i am for you. Thank you for everything you've done to show me your sincerity dear. I appreciate it so so much.
I love you, annoying tan. ;)
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